Saturday, January 8, 2011

America, Land of the Free?

America, Land of the Free?

Ahhh, in what imaginary realm? Yes, this is an enduring myth, just like the one about Americans being freedom loving, even though America has been in the endless business of war, for almost 200 out of its 235 years of existence and almost everyone of them the US started.

This year alone, and it is a typical year, America's parliament passed a measly 30,000 new laws, that add to tens of hundreds of thousands of existing laws, in the land of the Free. This is the same nation that preaches to us subhumans about the needs of freedom and sets such examples to the world as 4 million in prison, more than China which has 5 times more population, and 6 million on parole. It is the same nation whose cops, in the form of SWAT teams, or military speznaz style commandos, murder their own civilians, by accident of course, on a daily basis.

Out of the American laws, there is such as thing as Blue Laws. This is a term that most Americans do not even know, but it is what happens to old or out dated laws, that is, they go out of regular usage and to pastor, to be brought out and used to destroy people's lives, on a at choice basis.

You see, dear Readers, in the land of the "Free", there are no bad laws to repeal, just to use by special choice. Lets review some of these insane laws... (by the way, they are some very funny and idiotic laws passed by the American elite. Yes the American public is guilty of them too, since they put these people into power and then did not bother to put someone else in to repeal this idiocy...it is a "democracy" after all.)

Alabama
-- It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.
-- Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
-- It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
-- Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
-- Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
-- You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
-- Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail.
-- It is illegal to bike, roller-skate, skateboard, or inline skate in a commercially zoned area.

Alaska
-- Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
-- A person may only carry a concealed slingshot if that person has received the appropriate license.
-- Persons may not allow “attractive nuisances” to exist.

Arizona
-- Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony.
-- Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
-- It is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaine.
-- When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses
-- It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
-- You may not have more than two dildos in a house
-- Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.
-- It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.
-- An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.
-- It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.

Arkansas
-- The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock (Will the crazies in Arkansas write a fine or arrest the river? Or maybe fine God?)
-- A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.
-- A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
-- Honking one’s car horn at a sandwich shop after 9 PM is against the law.
-- Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.
-- Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.

California
-- Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. (Even in San Fransisco?)
-- Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.(That is almost 500meters...must they then close all farms near churchs and schools?)
-- City Council order reads: “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash
-- You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.
-- A man can’t go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.
-- Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits.
-- It is prohibited to sleep in a parked vehicle. (This is probably so they do not have to look at all the homeless people.)
-- Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine.
-- One may not use one’s own restroom if the window is open
-- Men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women.
-- It is against the law to hold a private bingo game.

Colorado
-- One may not mutilate a rock in a state park
-- Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
-- It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.
-- Keeping a house where unmarried persons are allowed to have sex is prohibited.
-- To own a dog over three months of age, one must obtain a license.
-- Establishments which sell alcohol must have enough lighting to read text inside them.
-- Couches may not be placed on outside porches.
-- It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
-- The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park.
-- You may not drive a black car on Sundays
-- It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver, Colorado.
-- It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
-- Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight
-- It is illegal to crash into obstacles on a ski slope.

Connecticut
-- It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades
-- It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
-- Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display
-- You may not educate dogs. (Yes, first they learn to read, then they rebel)
-- It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.
-- It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire.
-- It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer

Delaware
-- It is illegal to wear pants that are “firm fitting” around the waist.
-- No person shall change clothes in his or her vehicle.
-- On Halloween, children may only “trick-or-treat” from 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM, and if Halloween falls on a Sunday, they must “trick-or-treat” on October 30 during this same time interval.
-- No person shall pretend to sleep on a bench on the boardwalk.
-- Alcohol may not be served in nightclubs if dancing is occurring on the premises at the same time

Florida
-- The state constitution allows for freedom of speech, a trial by jury, and pregnant pigs to not be confined in cages.
-- Unmarried couples may not commit “lewd acts” and live together in the same residence.
-- Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
-- A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
-- If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle (Thus ended the Pachyderm driving craze).
-- It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit
-- Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. (And only pleasurable for Masochists, of which Florida seems to have a problem.)
-- It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
-- When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
-- You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.
-- It is considered an offense to shower naked.
-- You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
-- You may not kiss your wife’s breasts.


Georgia
-- While Georgia operates its own lottery, it “protects” its citizens by making it illegal to promote a private lottery.
-- All sex toys are banned.
-- It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.
-- Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.
-- No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday. (This is seems to occur in multiple states)
-- All citizens must own a rake.
-- If you want to read your favorite book in public to your friends, do it before 2:45 AM.
-- Though being forced to close your business is bad enough, Athens-Clarke County forces one to obtain a license before holding a Going-Out-Of-Business sale.
-- Persons under the age of 16 may not play pinball after 11:00 PM.
-- On Mondays, it is illegal for one to whistle very loud after 11:00 PM.

Hawaii
-- All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat.
-- Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears.

Idaho
-- Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds. (wow, so how fat are the sweethearts in Idaho?)
-- You may not fish on a camel’s back. (there are camels in Idaho???)
-- Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.
-- Dirt may not be swept from one�s house into the street
-- A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face. (There is something very Clockwork Orange about that)

Illinois
-- You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person
-- You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.
-- The English language is not to be spoken.
-- One may not pee in his neighbor’s mouth. (umm.....aaa...ok)
-- All businesses entering into contracts with the city of Chicago must sift through their records and report any business they had dealing with slaves during the era of slavery.
-- Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire
-- Kites may not be flown within the city limits.
-- Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.
-- It is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with one’s dog.
-- It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire. (fire of the automobile?)

Indiana
-- Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.
-- If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices
-- A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming
-- The value of Pi is 3. (So much for higher education)
-- It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public.
-- A person must get a referral from a licensed physician if he or she wishes to see a hypnotist unless the desired procedure is to quit smoking or lose weight. (Is this covered by Obamacare?)
-- Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. (explains a lot)
-- A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17. (Wow, not much is needed for proof)
-- It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.
-- Liquor stores may not sell milk.
-- You can get out of paying for a dependent’s medical care by praying for him/her.
-- One man may not back into a parking spot becasue it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate. (and that lucky man is???)


Iowa
-- It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.
-- A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public. (Again? Why do americans hate moustaches? Is it is in some Baptist thing, like no dancing?)
-- One-armed piano players must perform for free (gads, they are already in a bad way, so kick them when they are down)
-- Kisses may last for no more than five minutes
-- Doctors who treat a person with gonorrhea must report this to the local board of health and include the disease’s “probable origin”.
-- All boxes used to pick hops must be exactly 36 inches long
-- Any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.
-- The fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.
-- Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.
-- All softball diamond lights must be turned off by 10:30 PM
-- Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

Kansas
-- Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights. (aaahhaa?!?)
-- No one may catch fish with his bare hands.
-- If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed (wow! Think about that for a moment.)
-- Hitting a vending machine that stole your money is illegal.
-- It is illegal to spit on a sidewalk.
-- No one may sing the alphabet on the streets at night.

Kentucky
-- One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.
-- It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.
-- A woman may not buy a hat without her husband’s permission.
-- Dogs may not molest cars.

Louisiana
-- “Fake” wrestling matches are prohibited.
-- Spectators at a boxing match may not mock one of the contestants.
-- It is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing.
-- It is illegal to gargle in public places
-- One could land in jail for up to a year for making a false promise.
-- Every time a person is seriously burned, he must report the injury to the fire marshal.
-- Prisoners who hurt themselves could serve an additional two years in jail.
-- All garbage must be cooked before it can be fed to any hogs.
-- One may not host a game of marbles at Lafayette Square unless he or she first obtains a written permit from the parkway and park commission.
-- It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it
-- No person may predict another’s future.
-- Only two people may picket on a sidewalk at a time, and they must stay at least five feet apart at all times.

Maine
-- You may not step out of a plane in flight. (So, no parachuting in Maine)
-- After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up
-- To stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law. (Gypsies beware)
-- It is illegal to gamble at the airport.
-- No person may roller skate on a sidewalk.

Maryland
-- Oral sex can not be given or received anywhere.
-- Thistles may not grow in one’s yard.
-- It is a park rule violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt.
-- It is a violation of city code to sell chicks or ducklings to a minor within 1 week of the Easter holiday
-- Though you may spit on a city roadway, spitting on city sidewalks is prohibited.
-- It is illegal to use profane language on a playground. (Freedom of speech and all that)
-- Persons may not swear while on the highway. (and again)
-- It is illegal to remove a public building by writing on it. (eh???)

Massachusetts
-- It is illegal to give beer to hospital patients. (even consenting adults?)
-- Shooting ranges may not set up targets that resemble human beings.
-- Candy may not contain more than 1% of alcohol. (fun food police)
-- At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches (just food police)
-- Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked
-- An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. (How far America will go to raise money)
-- Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts. (What about just raunchy non-love sex?)
-- It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath (What industry wrote this?)
-- A woman can not be on top in sexual activities. (Bedroom police)
-- Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.
-- Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder (more food police)
-- Quakers and witches are banned (hate crimes?)
-- Alcoholic drink specials are illegal.
-- It is illegal to play the fiddle, in Boston (more hate crimes against gypsies)
-- Two people may not kiss in front of a church (no weddings in front of churches, then)
-- No more than two baths may be taken within the confines of the city of Boston (Boston must be one smelly city)
-- It is illegal to eat peanuts in church (and peanut butter? More food police)
-- An old law prohibits the taking of baths on Sunday
-- Duels to the death permitted on the common on Sundays provided that the Governor is present. (Sunday, God's day...lets murder someone, the Protestant way)
-- No one may take a bath without a prescription.

Michigan
-- Persons may not be drunk on trains.
-- No man may seduce and corrupt an unmarried girl, or else he risks five years in prison.
-- A woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.
-- There is a law that makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens


Minnesota
-- It is illegal to stand around any building without a good reason to be there
-- A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.
-- It is illegal to sleep naked (and the department who will check on this is...???)
-- All men driving motorcycles must wear shirts. (What if it is a sweeter?)
-- Oral sex is prohibited.
-- Residents of even numbered addresses may not water their plants on odd-numbered days excluding the thirty first day where it applies.


Mississippi
-- If one is a parent to two illegitimate children, that person will go to jail for at least one month
-- It is illegal to teach others what polygamy is.
-- A man may not seduce a woman by lying, and claiming he will marry her.
-- Horses are not to be housed within 50 feet of any road.
-- Adultery or Fornication (living togeather while not married or having sex with someone that is not your spouse) results in a fine of $500 and/or 6 months in prison.
-- Unnatural intercourse, if both parties voluntarily participate, results in a maximum sentence of 10 years and $10,000.

Missouri
-- It is illegal to have oral sex.
-- Single men between the ages of twenty-one and fifty must pay an annual tax of one dollar (enacted 1820).
-- Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely.
-- Installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited.
-- Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters
-- Dancing is strictly prohibited. (or what? Your soul will burn in Hell?)

Montana
-- It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.
-- It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail. (email also?)
-- In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all. (and if the husband is ill and she must feed the family? This is as bad as Saudi Arabia)
-- It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style. (or the Taliban)
-- Seven or more indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them (So much for Indian weddings, church services or freedom to gather...so much for that constitution thing).
-- No person shall raise pet rats.
-- Worrying squirrels will not be tolerated. (Don't tell them bad news.)
-- Balls may not be thrown within the city limits of Excelsier Springs. (So much for sports. Fun police)

Nebraska
-- Persons with gonorrhea may not marry.
-- If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested (Wow, the Taliban again)
-- It is Illegal to go whale fishing (how in a land locked territory?)
-- It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup. (what?)
-- It is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license. (Fashion police)
-- Doughnut holes may not be sold. (food police)
-- Sneezing or burping is illegal during a church service. (God's graces are only for the healthy, do not sneeze)

Nevada
-- It’s still “legal” to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property (oooh, brave American SWAT teams who like to shoot dogs may have problems.)
-- A man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day. (So much for buying one for the house)
-- Sex toys are outlawed.

New Hampshire
-- You may not tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
-- You cannot sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt (What if you take them off?)
-- It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach. (will nature not grow more?)
-- Any cattle that crosses state roads must be fitted with a device to gather its feces.
-- On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up.
-- In cemeteries it is illegal to: get drunk, picnic, enter at night, and enter by one’s self if that person is younger than 10
-- If a person is caught raking the beaches, picking up litter, hauling away trash, building a bench for the park, or many other kind things without a permit, he/she may be fined $150 for ”maintaining the national forest without a permit”.

New Jersey
-- It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder.
-- You cannot pump your own gas. (Full Service or else)
-- It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
-- It is against the law to “frown” at a police officer. (How about grimace?)
-- In an attempt to “foster kindness” in the citizens of New Jersey, the month of May is designated “Kindness Awareness Month”. (Two Minute of Love/Hate or else)
-- The third Thursday of October is designated as “New Jersey Credit Union Day” and citizens of the state should observe the day with “appropriate activities and programs”. (The Banksters own your souls)
-- You may not slurp your soup.
-- It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon
-- No street-side trees may be planted that “obscure the air”.


New Mexico
-- Idiots may not vote. (So who is left?)
-- State officials ordered 400 words of “sexually explicit material” to be cut from Romeo and Juliet. (Again, so who is left to vote?)
-- It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public. (And yet, someone is voting...)
-- Persons may not spit on the steps of the opera house
-- Hunting is prohibited in Mountain View Cemetery. (What about haunting?)
-- You may not carry a lunchbox down Main Street.

New York
-- You may not smoke within 100 feet of the entrance to a public building.
-- It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing “body hugging clothing” (Considering the numbers of fat people, that is not bad)
-- Citizens may not greet each other by “putting one’s thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers”
-- A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting
-- The penalty for jumping off a building is death
-- A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket. (this, again???)
-- While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door. (which is why New Yorkers are such rude bastards)
-- Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 PM.
-- During a concert, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks.
-- Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
-- People may not slurp their soup.


North Carolina
-- The mere possession of a lottery ticket is illegal in North Carolina and may result in a $2,000 fine
-- No one may be a professional fortune-teller, and if one wishes to pursue the practice as an amateur, it must be practiced in a school or church.
-- It’s against the law to sing off key. (music police)
-- While having sex, you must stay in the missionary position and have the shades pulled (Taliban again)
-- All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. (Saudi Arabians)
-- Oral sex is considered a crime against nature. (What about licking yourself?)
-- A marriage can be declared void if either of the two persons is physically impotent.
-- Persons in possession of illegal substances must pay taxes on them.
-- A three dollar tax must be paid on all white goods sold.
-- Bingo games may not last over 5 hours unless it is held at a fair
-- Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited.
-- Women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times, in Charlotte. (Wahhibist American protestants, they hate you for your freedoms???)
-- No one may visit their departed loved ones late at night.

North Dakota
-- It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on. (How about just pass out drunk or stand up and sleep?)
-- Beer and pretzels can’t be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
-- One may be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing, or even for wearing a hat to a function where dancing is taking place

Ohio
-- In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker’s stand, you can be fined $25.
-- Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
-- It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday (Whales in the Great Lakes?)
-- Breast feeding is not allowed in public.
-- No one may be arrested on Sunday or on the Fourth of July. (Do the police know this?)
-- It is illegal to display colored chickens for sale.
-- Ordinance number 223, of 09/09/19 prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses.

Oklahoma
-- One may not promote a “horse tripping event”
-- Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
-- Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
-- Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another’s hamburger. (no tasting)
-- Whaling is illegal. (are there land whales roaming America? Well outside the really obese people, I mean.)
-- Residents are taxed for the furniture in their homes, and any other personal belongings. (wow)
-- People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.
-- Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings.
-- Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punisable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine.
-- It is illegal to wear your boots to bed.
-- It is illegal to have sex before you are married.
-- Tissues are not to be found in the back of one’s car.

Oregon
-- Drivers must yield to pedestrians who are standing on the sidewalk.
-- Drivers may not pump their own gas.
-- An adult may not show a minor any piece of classical artwork which depicts sexual excitement. (So much for museums)
-- Dishes must drip dry. (So much for technology)
-- It is illegal to whisper “dirty” things in your lover’s ear during sex. (Or big brother is listening)
-- Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays
-- One may not bathe without wearing “suitable clothing,”
-- You must buy a $10 permit to be allowed to install a burglar alarm.
-- Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license.

Pennsylvania
-- It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding.
-- It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.
-- Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue (technology is evil...but rockets are fun)
-- A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. (Can you then beat them?)
-- You may not sing in the bathtub.
-- You may not catch a fish with your hands. (What about whales?)
-- You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth.
-- Though you do not need a fishing license to fish on your own land, but a hunting license is required to hunt on your own land.

Rhode Island
-- Cap guns are illegal.
-- No one may bite off another�s leg
-- Exercising any labor, business, or work, or using any game, sport, play, or recreation, or causing any of the above to be done to or by your children, servants, or apprentices on the first day of the week (Sunday) results in a penalty of $5 for the first offense and $10 for the second.
-- Professional sports, except ice polo and hockey, must obtain a license to play games on Sunday.
-- Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void
-- You cannot smoke a pipe after sunset.
-- You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday


South Carolina
-- By law, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, the marriage must take place
-- Fortune tellers are required to obtain a special permit from the state
-- Performing a U-turn within 1,000 feet of an intersection is illegal
-- It is considered an offense to get a tattoo.
-- When approaching a four way or blind intersection in a non-horse driven vehicle you must stop 100 ft from the intersection and discharge a firearm into the air to warn horse traffic
-- It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays (The Taliban again)
-- A person must be eighteen years old to play a pinball machine.
-- The Fire Department may blow up your house.
-- Bitches in heat shall be confined.
-- The drinking age on Furman University campus is 60 years old

South Dakota
-- No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.
-- It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.
-- Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner are forbidden. (The police state doesn't want peasants getting ideas)
-- If there are more than 5 Native Americans on your property you may shoot them. (more hate crime racism)
-- If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.

Tennessee
-- You can’t shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile. (More land whales?)
-- More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would constitute a brothel. (So no woman monasteries...hmm, anti Catholic/Orthodox hate crime).
-- It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. (is that even possible?)
-- Giving and receiving oral sex is still prohibited by law.
-- It is legal to gather and consume roadkill.
-- Interracial marriages are illegal.
-- Skunks may not be carried into the state
-- One may not throw bottles at a tree.
-- It is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date
-- You may not have more than five inoperable vehicles on a piece of property. (What about junk yards or mechanics?)

Texas
-- One must acknowledge a supreme being before being able to hold public office. (So much for freedom of speech)
-- It is illegal to sell one�s eye.
-- A program has been created in the state that attempts to control the weather.
-- When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. (this lunacy again?)
-- It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
-- Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos
-- The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
-- It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.
-- It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.

Utah
-- It is against the law to fish from horseback. (why?)
-- It is illegal not to drink milk. (What if you are allergic? Who keeps track?)
-- It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon.
-- A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
-- It is a felony to persistently tread on the cracks between paving stones on the sidewalk of a state highway.
-- It is considered an offense to hunt whales. (In the Great Salt Lakes???)
-- Alcohol may not be sold during an emergency.
-- It is illegal to cause a catastrophe.
-- You must have identification to enter a convienence store after dark. (Ihren Paperin Bitte)
-- Daylight must be visible between partners on a dance floor
-- Throwing snowballs will result in a $50 fine

Vermont
-- Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth (Even the Taliban is not this insane)
-- It is illegal to deny the existence of God.
-- All residents shall bathe every Saturday night

Virginia
-- Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary.
-- There is a state law prohibiting “corrupt practices of bribery by any person other than candidates.(hahaaaa, this is great)
-- If one is not married, it is illegal for him to have sexual relations.
-- Children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.
-- It is illegal to tickle women.
-- A person of color may not be oustide or within the city limits of Dayton after 7 pm
-- Any person who owns a pool risks a $2500 fine for not closing the gate to the pool when they get done swimming in it
-- A special license is required for persons wishing to sell such items as tableware and coins.
-- A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman’s derriere
-- Women must wear a corsette after sundown and be in the company of male chaperone. (Wahhibist America)
-- It is illegal to cuss about another.

Washington
-- No person may walk about in public if he or she has the common cold.
-- Destroying a beer cask or bottle of another is illegal.
-- It is illegal to entice girls away from the Maple Lane School for girls.
-- X-rays may not be used to fit shoes
-- All lollipops are banned. (They did take candy from a baby)
-- A law to reduce crime states: “It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.
-- All motor vehicles must be preceded by a man carrying a red flag (daytime) or a red lantern (nighttime) fifty feet in front of said vehicle
-- It is illegal to pretend that one’s parents are rich. (Peasants must know their place)
-- When two trains come to a crossing, neither shall go until the other has passed. (yup, again)
-- Dancing and drinking may not occur at the same establishment.
-- You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length. (like spears, halliberds and RPGs)

West Virginia
-- Unmarried couple who live together and “lewdly associate” with one another may face up to a year in prison.
-- When a railroad passes within 1 mile of a community of 100 or more people in it, they must build a station and stop there regularly to pick up and drop off passengers
-- Any person who commits adultery shall be fined at least twenty dollars.
-- It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs. (Wow, you can't find that even in the far Siberian lands...though maybe in Chechnya)
-- A tax of 1 cent is levied for every 16 and 9 ounces of coke sold in a store.
-- A person may be placed in jail for up to six months for making fun of someone who does not accept a challege.
-- It is illegal to snooze on a train (best travel on short trains...but if they stop at every village of 100+ people, it will still be long)
-- For each act of public swearing a person shall be fined one dollar.
-- Whistling underwater is prohibited. (how about breathing?)
-- It is legal to beat your wife so long as it is done in public on Sunday, on the courthouse steps.
-- No member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during a church service.

Wisconsin
-- Whenever two trains meet at an intersection of said tracks, neither shall proceed until the other has. (and yet again)
-- As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned
-- Condoms were considered an obsene article and had to hidden behind the pharmacist’s counter.
-- State Law made it illegal to serve apple pie in public restaurants without cheese.
-- The state definition of rape stated that it was a man having sex with a woman he knows not to be his wife.
-- While all cheese making requires a license, Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker’s license.
-- It is illegal to kiss on a train
-- It is illegal to cut a woman’s hair.
-- Tattooing is illegal unless it is done for medical purposes.
-- Screens are required on all windows from May 1 to October 1

Wyoming
-- All new buildings that cost over $100,000 to build must have %1 of funds spent on art work for the building.
-- If one is drunk in a mine, he or she could land in jail for up to a year
-- Any person who fails to close a fence is subject to a fine of up to seven hundred and fifty dollars.
-- It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking
-- You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit (insanity)


So, do they really hate you for your "freedoms"?

PS: Thank you www.dumblaws.com

12 comments:

BlackSeaBrew said...

I like this one: Oregon-Drivers must yield to pedestrians who are standing on the sidewalk. It has a counterpart in Ukraine: Pedestrians give way to drivers on the sidewalk...at least if they want to live.

barry said...

The Vikings said if the laws had to be written down they were too many. We all know the difference between right and wrong.The 500 dollar fine for detonating a nuclear device in San Fransisco?Haha

Mattexian said...

I've seen this list before, and it shows there are plenty of old laws that could be removed from the books. Most of the "blue laws" that are enforced regularly in Texas deal with alcohol sales. Can't sell it from a store before 10 AM during the week or before noon on Sunday, can't sell it from a liquor store after 9PM during the week (those aren't even open on Sundays), and bars must stop selling by 2 AM. Another odd one that I've heard of, was that you could buy a hammer, but not nails, on a Sunday. Most of these date back to when the Evangelicals held more sway in lawmaking, and they didn't want folks getting drunk or working on Sundays, at least before church got out! (Apparently nobody thought there'd be any alcohol left from stocking up the night before.)

Looney said...

It is good for a laugh, but how many of the laws are real?

For example, I (as a Caucasian mutt) married a Chinese girl in Tennessee nearly 30 years ago. I walked into the government building, filled out the paper work and *poof* it was done without even an eye raised. So much for the law against interracial marriages.

Since I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, the rule "Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits" is sure to generate plenty of smirks. OK, so only cross-dressers and transgendered sorts are permitted to wear high heels in the city limits.

Then there is the bit about Chinese prisons vs. American prisons. Seriously! Would you rather be put into an American prison or a Chinese prison? In the American prison you will be pampered with sporting equipment. For those who like to read, there is typically a complete legal library so you can work on passing the LSAT exam and maybe getting a law license. Nutritionists will be comparing your health to the general population and raising red flags (!) if anything is amiss. Health care is free. When you are finally released, you will leave with a rolodex full of drug trafficker contacts to help you get on your feet with new employment.

jack said...

@Stas

I think you should focus on what is happening in Britain especially in regards to supporting terrorism.

Found these in the archives on Underground Serbian Cafe.

British intelligence runs Islamic terrorist training camp in the US for British Muslims to fight in Chechnya.

http://www.network54.com/Forum/84302/thread/1000510888/Islamic+Terrorist+Training+in+the+U-S-

British intelligence front charity Islamic relief based in Birmingham (also indicted in the 9/11 lawsuit) supports Chechen terrorism.

http://www.network54.com/Forum/84302/thread/1129303951/Russian+Security+Service+Accuses+UK+Charity+of+Supporting+Chechen+Rebels

Even Princess Diana’s de-mining charity Halo Trust was used as a terrorist front to train Chechen militants how to lay mines whose fiancé at the time Dodi Fayed mother was the sister of notorious Saudi arms dealer with links to MI6 and CIA Adnan Khashoggi.
Coincidence?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/875094.stm

British and American Covert Operations in Chechnya

http://www.nlpwessex.org/docs/ukraine-caspian.htm#CovertOperations
Then of course there is the big operation itself the original 9/11 plot.

http://www.network54.com/Forum/84302/thread/1284248981/last-1288620675/The+real+9-11+cover+up-+Political+hijacking++was+originally+aimed+at+Russia.

Stanislav said...

@Looney,

Al the laws are real, however, they are blue laws, so not commonly enforced, though they are enforceable. I knew a fella who was arrested once, as a manager of a movie theater that sold beer and was showing a R (that's the adult rating, right? We don't have these ratings in Russia) and was arrested and the theater shut down, by a young detective, on the basis of a blue law that said that alcohol could not be sold in a place that had sex or showed sexual material, which happened to also include dancing....after a day they were released and the local media had a field day since this would mean even pubs showing MTV on the teleki would be shut down.

Cobra said...

Yep. Old and stupid laws.
but they were laws, approved and put on the books none the less. And forgotten immediately....
But in Russia the silovickies "make the rules" as they please.
An inconvenient journalist (just an example..)?
A bullet to his head and no more problems.
Stas,
Your bias has become very obvious and laughable.
Not that the USA doesn't have problems...

Stanislav said...

@cobra

Yes, passed and forgotten, which is why the US has more people in prison, not by percent but by raw numbers, then China....right.

magooey said...

When they were cleaning out defunct laws in New York City in the early 80's, they got rid of a 5 dollar yearly fee for having a horse trough in the city limits.
It seems other legal jurisdictions could use some cleaning too.

Cobra said...

Stas,
New Russia, the proud child of the USSR has many in jail.
Certainly the USSR had many more in jail/gulags than the USA.
Heck, the whole state was a gigantic jail.
I am not saying that the laws are perfect in the USA, they are not.
And the number of people in jail is too high for my taste in the USA.
But Russians have no business to criticize the "law" in the USA.
Because the "law" in Russia is just the whim of the silovicky...

Just A Voter said...

Thank you, we Americans can only claim so much stupitity from the flouride and other toxins our government is poisioning us with...

I know that there are others like myself who are trying to "wake peope up" before there is no turning back...

a sister in Christ,
Tonya

Just A Voter said...

Excellent article, I found it in provda.ru, and followed it here...glad I did.

Americans, and I am one, are usually so dumbed down by the toxins in our food, and water that seeing the truth of what is going on around the is nearly imposible... almost like a sleep walk...

Thank you for the little "wake up call" I tweeted, facebooked, and stumbled uponed it....

Hopefully enough Americans will wake up intime to change things...

To know more of what is going on here, check out http://www.infowars.com

Alex and his listeners are awake...
and keep us in your prayers...